To Live
by AnonymouslyFanficky
Summary: "If I hadn't been there, that night, would you have pulled the trigger?" Jenny is suicidal. Jibbs. Warnings: TRIGGER WARNING. (Contains suicidal thoughts and/or actions.) Nothing too graphic in here, just a voice in her head. Now complete.
1. Chapter One

"If I hadn't been there, that night, would you have pulled the trigger?"  
Jenny is suicidal. Jibbs. Warnings: TRIGGER WARNING. Contains suicidal thoughts and/or actions. Nothing too graphic in here, just a voice in her head. One-shot.

Please, please, don't read this story if you are easily triggered. Just to be clear, I don't think self-harm is the answer to problems of any kind. This is written for my friend, who struggled with cutting for a long time, but got help and is now a few years clean.

This may not make a ton of sense, and certainly isn't my best work, but I tried. I'm not sure what the point of this story really is, but enjoy.

 _Italics- voice in Jenny's head_

 **I don't own N.C.I.S. or any of the characters from the show.**

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jenny came home from work, exhausted. She had thought about this, for a long time.

 _No one knows how I feel..._ she thought. _Jethro doesn't know..._

And then there is La Grenouille. _He killed my father. Nobody knows my pain..._

She picked up the gun.

 **-Flashback-**

 _Jenny held the gun up to her temple, in tears. She had just left Gibbs, and regretted it. She thought suicide was the only option._

 _"Ah, Jennifer." she heard him say._

 _"La Grenouille."_

 _"Please, call me Renè."_

 _"What do you want?"_

 _"Like father, like daughter?" he stated, more than asked, gesturing towards the sig in her hand._

 _"He didn't commit suicide. You killed him!"_

 _"I have done many things, Jennifer, but I did not kill your father."_

 _"Lies!" Jenny screamed, still crying. She pointed her sig to her forehead, and before she could shoot herself, someone grabbed the gun from her hand._

 **-End Flashback-**

Tears began to fall down Jenny's face. _Why, Jethro? Why did I leave you in Paris? Why?_ she thought, running her fingers along the firm surface of the weapon. _Is this what you really want, Jenny? Is it?_

Jenny sank down, along the wall. _Do it, Jenny. Take the damn gun._

In a trance, Jenny didn't see Gibbs come in, through the front door. She flipped the gun around and aimed it at her head.

Gibbs stepped through the door, and didn't bother to call her name. He walked into the study and found her leaning against the wall, holding a gun.

"Jenny!" he yelled, seeing the gun in her hand.

Jenny didn't respond. She just continued staring at the gun.

He couldn't get through to her.

"Jenny!" he yelled, again, running over to her and ripping the gun from her hands. He set it on her desk and walked back over to her, scooping her up, in his arms.

"What-" Jenny began, snapping out of the trance and looking up at him. "Agent Gibbs, put me down!"

"I'm not leaving you alone tonight, Jen."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

It had been one week since the night in Jenny's study. She and Gibbs were alone, in the evevator. He pressed the emergency stop switch, and Jenny sat in the corner, crying as he rubbed her back and pressed a kiss to her hair.

"I was so stupid." she said, in between burst of tears.

"You were never, ever, stupid, Jen."

She looked up at him, with teary green eyes. "You don't have to say that, just to make me feel better."

"I'm not. I'm saying it because it's the truth."

Jenny rolled her eyes, as if to say "Yeah, right." She stood up and wiped her tears away.

"You don't have to sleep on the couch tonight, Jen."

"I know."

Gibbs flipped the switch and the lights in the elevator came back on. The doors opened and the two walked off to go home.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jenny sat on a stool, watching Gibbs work on his boat.

"I'm going to bed, in a minute." Jenny said, breaking the silence. "It's been a long week."

"You okay, Jen?"

"I've been better." Jenny replied, standing up. She began to walk up the staircase, but stopped halfway up. "You've been staring at me, like you want to ask me something."

Gibbs looked up at her. "If I hadn't been there, that night, would you have pulled the trigger?"

"I guess we'll never know." she replied, disappearing up the stairs.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Very short and not my best work, but I think it turned out pretty good! I'm going to update this asap and bring it back from the land of lost one-shots!

-A.F.


	2. Chapter Two

**-CHAPTER TWO-**

Originally I intended to leave this as a one-shot, but I decided to write a second chapter. So, now I guess it'll be a two-shot. I doubt I'll continue this. I like it how it is. Plus, I'm working on chapters for "Fate," "Blackout," and a new story.

Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own N.C.I.S. or any of the characters. I'm still a minor. Even if I could, I'm not old enough to!

Not my greatest work. I wrote this while getting over a migraine. I think it's pretty good, though. Short, but sweet.

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Jenny woke up and noticed that the other side of the bed was empty. "Jethro?" She called, pulling off the cover. She had only brought work clothes and no nightgown, so she was wearing an old N.I.S. shirt. She walked down the hallway, to the kitchen. "Jethro?"

"Yeah, Jen." Gibbs replied, standing in the kitchen.

"What tim-"

"Gotta leave in twenty."

Jenny looked around. "Do you have any bread?"

"Yep."

"I'm suprised. It isn't take-out." Jenny said, earning a playful glare from Gibbs.

Gibbs pulled a bag of bread from the shelf above the fridge.

"Where are your knives? I need to cut the bread."

"No knives, for you. Not yet."

"Jethro, I'm fine." Jenny retorted, her tone turning serious. She glared at Gibbs.

"Then, be patient."

"Jethro-"

"Please."

Jenny raised her eyebrows. "Did you, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, just say please?"

"Nope."

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs, you are a strange man."

Gibbs shrugged his shoulders. "You want the bread, or not?"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jenny walked into her outer office, where Cythia was sitting. "Cythia, please clear all of my appointments for the next hour and tell everyone I'm going home early."

Cynthia gave her curious look, but nodded, anyways. "Yes, Director."

"Thank you, Cynthia." Jenny walked out to the staircase, and headed for the elevators.

"You goin' somewhere, Jen?" Gibbs asked, walking up to her.

"Home." she replied, shortly. She saw his strange look. "Jethro, I'm fine. I don't need to be watched every second."

He nodded, although she could tell that he didn't quite believe her.

"I'm fine, Jethro. Really, I'm fine."

"My door's always open, Jen."

"I know, Jethro."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Ducky!" Jenny exclaimed, with a smile, as the elevator doors opened to reveal the older M.E.

"Ah, hello, Jennifer."

Jenny stepped into the elevator and waited for the doors to close.

"How have you been, Director?"

"I am fine, Ducky, thank you." Jenny smiled.

"Staying with Jethro?" Ducky winked.

"Yes, Doctor Mallard." Jenny replied, blushing slightly.

"No suicidal thoughts, anymore?"

"He told you about tha-"

Ducky raised a finger. "Don't blame him, Jennifer. He is only looking out for you."

"I am doing better, Ducky." Jenny said, truthfully.

"You do look much better, my dear."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Jenny climbed her staircase, thinking about a certain silver-haired N.C.I.S. agent.

 _-Flashback-_

 _Jenny had left Gibbs, only a week, earlier. Now, she was sitting across from Ducky, in his living room. She took a sip of her tea. "I left him, Ducky. I left him, and it hurts."_

 _"You care about him, Jennifer."_

 _"I love him." Jenny replied, with unshed tears in her eyes._

 _-End Flashback-_

Jenny packed a bag for Gibb's house. She couldn't stay at her home, there were too many sharp objects and bad memories. She couldn't stay, not until she got through her problems.

Putting on her coat, she thought about Paris. That was the only thing she could think of.

 _Maybe, things are getting better._ Jenny thought, smiling to herself. _Maybe, Jethro loves me back. I know he loves me back._


End file.
